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Men can read a woman’s profile, feel like they connected in an endless number of meaningful ways, send her an incredible message detailing these connections (without coming on too strong) and still fail to receive a response from her.
Because there’s no way to know whether a woman will find a man attractive or not, every single message he sends out is a gamble.
I guess the users that surprise me are the ones that show they have read my profile and taken notice of something.
It doesn’t have to be something big, mentioning a shared interest is fine, just something that shows they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me, even if it’s amongst hundreds of other messages they’re sending.
This action has different names at different sites: when I was dating it was called a “Wink” at and an “Icebreaker” at Yahoo! For the discussion here, I’ll refer to them as winks. They are normally free (this will vary by the site) so they do provide a way for a non-paying member to alert a paying member they are interested but then what?
So if you find an attractive man online, go ahead and wink at him.
For those who are new to online dating, most online dating services, such as or Yahoo!
And women on dating websites make this matter even worse because, as a general rule, women don’t send out a lot of first messages on these platforms.
Most women are too busy responding to the flood of messages they’ve received to spend too much time browsing for new men to talk to, and women have at least as many problems as men when it comes to marshaling together the nerve to actually send out a full message to someone they find attractive.
This scenario normally falls apart: a non-payer winks at someone, gets an email in response but then can’t communicate any further.